when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
