Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm always down for nudity.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
