I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he was CRYING into my vagina
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
