I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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