Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
