She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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