I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
