Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
