so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
