Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
