i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
