Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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