Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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