When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
