I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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