Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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