I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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