I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
