And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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