At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
