Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
