I wanna bring you to show and tell
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
