Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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