i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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