i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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