I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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