My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
