yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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