I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
