I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
barbara walters just said penis...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
