How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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