would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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