took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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