She is in my trunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
