Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
