I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
two words...techno handjob
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
