two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
