we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
