those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
