Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
