Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
