I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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