11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
