So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
