So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
