come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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