so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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