dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
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