Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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