I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
