I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
