remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
