omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
