it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
