i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
