That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
